Last month I just shared a series of tweets  on my Facebook wall by  Usman Ghani, which was explaining  how his school friend who was very successful in her studies and career was forced  by her parents to get  marry an unsuitable boy and how she is suffering an abusive marriage. He was tweeting the whole story to help other women. According to him his friend is in an abusive relationship because she quit her job. She is accepting all the ill treatment just because she don’t want her parents to feel bad.

In concluding part he urges all the girls to be financially independent so that they can refuse to marry and even after marriage they will not be ill treated or abused.

and he also advices the girls not to get married at all.

When I shared it on fb I didn’t really gave much attention to the last part but when I went through the tweets once again many question popped up in my mind.

  1. Is financial independence is all that a girl needs if she has to live independently?
  2. Do all the girls/ women who are earning or financially strong are living a happy life without any abuse?
  3. Are all those women who chose to stay at home are just fit for nothing and are ill treated by their family?

I think for all the above questions the answer is a BIG NO why because nothing assures you that you will have a happy married life. What is it then which assures you that ??  It’s the “Courage” which assures you the happy relationship.

Courage to say No, if you are in an abusive relationship.

Courage to say yes if it serves the purpose with little sacrifice

Courage to confront any unpleasant situation.

Courage to step out of the comfort zone  and to explore the opportunities. Above all

Courage to face the reality, accepting it and convince the persons involved to accept that too.

Yes  all we need is courage and not an escape from the relationship.

Just think of a woman who is  in a best job earning a best salary but not courageous to confront her husband who is constantly abuse her for the money.

Now think of a woman who is “not working” I mean not earning money of her own but has all the courage to condemn her husband and ever ready to step out of her home to earn her livelihood if necessary. Who will be successful? Definitely it’s the second one.

So it’s not whether you are earning or not it’s your courage and integrity which will help you.

In the above twitter story the girl is an Engineer and was teaching in a prestigious college before her marriage. She quit the job to get married. Now she is in an abusive marriage relationship with a rude husband who is an example of chauvinism and can give talaq to her anytime. According to her she is doing all these for her old parents.

So Mr. Ghani thinks that it is the root cause of all. I beg to differ. The root cause of all problem here is the lack of courage in the girl. When she had all the necessary qualifications why is she accepting all these ?? She may give the excuse of her parents but..in  reality that girl lacks courage, courage to face the reality, courage to show the reality to her parents. Instead of coming out of that relationship she is  giving excuses. If she had the courage if her parents imbibed her with the courage with all other virtues there was no need for any one of us to talk on her situation. She would have solved it as soon as she faced the reality. She would have walked out of the marriage and would have searched a job for herself, showed her parents the reality of her marriage instead of hiding from them , and above all she herself would have divorced that chauvunist. (who is he to divorce??) But never would have gave up in the life.

Yes courage is a virtue which we have to build in our kids especially in our girls, because its a harsh reality that they have to face many situations in life which a boy may not even imagine.If they are courageous enough they will face each and every situation. and they will not complain about the circumstances.

All those women who were successful in their lives were courageous. Courageous means you need not go out and hit a man or be in military or police. Courage is needed in every walk of life. You need courage to give birth to a baby !!!! yes that’s why I always say each and every mother is courageous.

Make your girls courageous enough to take tough decisions in their lives. Whether it is to quit the job or to get back to job after a long  break a girl should have all the courage and knowledge to take a best decision for her. Courageous to make up or break a relationship which ever is best.

Girls stop blaming your parents, society, or any other circumstances for you being in a wrong relationships. Be courageous enough to take the responsibility and make decisions best for you. It doesn’t always mean quit the marriage or refuse to get married. Sometimes a little courage and presence of mind will definitely save the relationships.

Whether you are earning or not make COURAGE your mantra of life.

Because in the words  of B.V Bharathi a Kannadaa writer “ishtakku kaliyuthene endu paTTu hiDidare baduku kalisade uLisuvudu enannu?” (after all the  life also  has no choice other than to teach all the lessons to live,   if u are persistent enough to learn) Its a title of  her write up in a newspaper where she explains how two woman mustered courage to face an unexpected situation and stepped out of their comfort zone to start a new life altogether.

So be persistent and be courageous to face each and every situation in life. If you muster courage to face life it will offer you with all the necessary teachings. So if you want to live the life of your choice be courageous.

Parents if you want your children to be happy and successful in their lives teach them to be courageous. Courageous enough to correct  even your mistakes and confront your decision if it is wrong. Courageous enough to say NO to wrong and YES to righteous things.

This woman’s day lets take an oath to make our girls courageous to face life. And  make boys courageous  enough to respect and stand by the women in their lives.

Preethiyinda.

– Suma.R